Still Amazed and in Awe

Here my family is, at the eve of another school year. Ashley is ready to become a Sophmore in College, Kaila is starting her first academic year at the USAF Academy, Kristopher is entering into 7th grade and the start of modified sports, and our youngest, Courtney, is starting 6th grade tomorrow. I m sitting here tonight watching the normal chores, a little mentally weary listening to the anxiety coming from each of them. As an adult I can tell them that there is nothing to worry about and that everything will be just fine. And that is true, although not real to them yet. As a mother I would love to wave a magic wand and take theirs fears and anxieties away.

As a Christ follower I know that I can do more than that. I pray for my children always. Many prayers go through my head any given day. All of the usuals for health and good decisions and the like. The biggest prayer that I have for my children is that they have it better than I did. I think that we are getting there. Don't misunderstand me, I would not go back in my life and change a thing. Everything that I have been through and done to myself has brought me to this point in my life of reflection. 

This is the best time of my life. I turned 40 this year. I have older children and with such comes a little more freedom. I got my first tattoo this year. Matt bought me a new car this year. It has been a good time. It has also been a huge time of growth for me. It has been a huge time for growth in my relationship with God. I can look back over all of my life, times when I was convinced that He was not there and did not care; and very clearly see that He was and He did. 

The hardest part of being a mom is watching your children fall and no longer be able to kiss their boo boos and make them better. The hurts and disappointments cut deeper now. My kisses do not help as much as they used to. On days like today when it seems that I cannot help my children feel safe and comforted, I am not helpless. I pray. I cannot even remember how I survived as long as I did without God in my life. But I can tell you that I would never go back there again. Not for all of the anti-aging in the world.

I am pretty good at remembering what I have been blessed with in the evenings when I reflect on the day. What I need to get better at is remember them throughout the day.

I have a wonderful husband, I have 4 beautiful special children, and have an awesome job with people I love and that love me. Because of that job I am involved in a huge building project enough to see just a glimpse of God's greatness. I feel like I belong, I feel confort. I know that when things get tuff (notice I say when not if)that I am surrounded by people who love me and will be there to support me. And I know that each one of them will remind me of where my hope is.